Something Resembling an Introduction

Greetings:

Boy, this poem could define "revision" and "work-in-progress."

This poem started initially as a bunch of scribblings at a club in San Francisco. I was at a point where I was beginning to see closure in one part of my life, and through a blurred understanding I began to notice clarity.

From those scribblings I began piecing together fragments of previous poems -- certain lines, thoughts and ideas. Poems that, in some instances, had been around a very long time. Then a new chapter in my life began and I noticed renewal. From that point of renewal, I began adding to the fragmented scribblings and created this concept in the sequence of poems represented here.

As you can imagine, unity has been my primary goal and obstacle. I want it to be fragmented because that captures the essence (I hate that fucking word) of what I am going for. But I still haven't smoothed it out in way that makes me happy, and this is still too choppy for how I envision it.

So understand this is the current form and that this has taken many forms and will take many more forms. This poem definitely breathes and I can see myself working on this forever. It lives and changes as I do.

For some reason this is my favorite poem. There are lines I like. Transitions I like. Emotions I like. Etc. But there are also plenty of things I don't like and think needs work. But this poem speaks to a very raw and curious part of me. Its organic and shifting nature and shape captivate me as a writer, and I am honestly not interested in creating its final form.

Thus, this might be similar to the old cliche "a face only a mother could love" because I am not sure if it is suited for readership and critical eyes. Not sure if this vision can exist outside my own eyes and thoughts.

But here it is. If you can make sense of it, I hope you enjoy it.

Cheers
~vince

Valencia

i promise
her my return
so upon evening's dimming glow
she turns
and the first fog silks the city
blanketing
night's rest

before she fades
and i return to valencia
i look into her eyes
and implore time to forgive my absence
i must leave
but
she tells me:
"they play their music in mirrors
the little ones
who will one day regret their reflection
but today
they reach out to touch their hollowed image
and
recreate the child before them
someday you will return
i will be here
when you are ready"

driving into this dawning night
rain
races along the windshield
and i view street lamps ablur

let gods
and
better poets define imagery
i haven't the time
early morning darkens
black asphalt shines silver
the highway
makes demanding turns
and lanes under construction ...

besides
the bridge toll
approaches
and vapor has consumed
the night

i'm alone
my saliva tastes of iron
blood dotting the
tongue
coffee steams
the cup holder
slight mocha aroma
both hands
grip
the wheel
some asshole
cuts me off

off 80 to 101
to mission to 17 to
valencia
between 19 and 20

here
dull
orange vermilion lies
excites
amnesia
aloof
attention
and
slightly eroded eyes

everything here painted blind
in
crimson tones that
drape the room in diluted wax
lust dances on stage in cabaret lingerie
and the hint of folk jazz illuminates my outline
like the muted lamp over my shoulder

i’m home
here
singing the lightning’s lone verse

black night dressed in red
black night
right
alone
another black night
craving moon light
lit
with slight spite
of its hollow promise
promise promise
black night
riding red
writing tonight
of a
five-year love
three years dead
arriving at midnight's thunder
lit black
tonight
in red night

nostalgia writes poetry in
smoke circles
rising to touch the dark lavender
sky
asserts itself in minor scales
on a perfectly played piano
chilling the drizzling rain
and reminding me it’s time to cry

in a new bed
tonight
praying to a colorless god
here
alone
where
i've watched dead love die
when new moon light dawns
and i fly on the dizzied
wings of lust
in a sheetless bed
touching new skin
licking new lips
going inside and coming too fast
knowing sex is a moment
and love is an endless
breath
eternal
when naked bodies touch and make nervous minds relax

but alas i lie
next to a hollowed image
reaching
nakedcolorlessnight
dreamingred
blackdizzy

dead
again
in a red room

i sit in a crowded corner
sipping water like sex
and penning poetry on today’s Guardian
Gay marriage round two headlines News + Culture
ooooooolovers speak over drinks
oooooooeffortlessly trade stories
ooooooooooooo(darkened crimson, black and dead
ooooooooooooobroken mirrors
oooooooooooooa night in red)
ooooooowhile i obsess over the curly hair and rounded features of a
ooooooobartender
ooooooowho assuredly lies in a bed
ooooooowithout sheets
oooooooan image
ooooooovibrantly
ooooooored
ooooooooobut
oooooooooooO!
oooooooooooohow
ooooooooooooooa vine tattoo
ooooooooooooooooooooooootracing
oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooher bare shoulder
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooonames
ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooour offspring
ooooooolike the first wet dream
ooooooowhen love wills itself to exist

searching for vague splendor
seeking patience
i teach myself to dance without feet

in this red room
still
no bartender
but
July's ocean chill
trickles in
like a leaky facet
keeps the skin tight
and my hair alert
fanning heatless flames

i speak in small unprovoked movements
small dances
glances
and stripped conversations with black-eyed strangers
every accidental touch
chances
a brush
a love affair
every smile
a vow
every awkward utterance
divorce
“hi
how are you?”
“good, can I buy you a drink?”

waking
every early morning night's dream
in empty arms
bold
valencia’s false hope
her every fog wisps
delicately
regretfully
in mourning
through eager fingers
seeking inspired song
real dreams feeding flesh that lives
only
when touch is reborn
and ready to feel

i had this dream last night
we were driving in san francisco
not near valenciaoooooooooobut
where it’s hilly
my saturn had difficulty climbing the hills
outside golden gate park
so we took a different route
and stumbled upon a new beach
one we'd never seen

we lay at the foot of the new coast
breathing in the ocean’s breeze
amid a transparent milky blue fog
draping over the just set sun

your voice appears and strikes my ear like nightmare’s retreat
you once lived without life
but now
like the first song after a long death
my body hears music
and i begin to see your movement

how sudden a new sky can rise again
and burn what once clouded everything

i’ve known you my whole life
breathed with you deep
pretending sex
knowing shades of love
fragmentedooooooooopotential
i loved you then
i love you now
i dream November
and of our first encounter
after
three
years
of
cowardly
capricorn
legs

a new day

lisping fog tames and retreats in
her presence
and
children grow feet

in dreamed reality
she calls again
again
like a virgining siren

new light
in night
leading us to open roads and undefined patterns in the sky
it was this dream
that killed our childish urge to ignore rhythm
fascinated
we were
with tear-stained mirrors
of a youth that urges us to flee
i blind and you multieyed
but
finally
we reach out and our eyes meet

a new day

lisping fog tames and retreats in
her presence
and
children grow feet

in dreamed reality
she calls again
again
like a virgining siren

and i arrive

...

new light
in night
leading us to open roads and undefined patterns in the sky
it was a dream
that killed our childish urge to ignore rhythm
fascinated
we were
with tear-stained mirrors
of a youth that urges us to flee
i blind and you multieyed
but
finally
we reach out
and our eyes meet

...

tonight
a new song lives
we touch black keysooooooand watch an old rhythm reborn
on a familiar piano
we celebrate new scalesoooand invent melody

a new fleet of sunsooooooooooooooooooooorealigns
evaporates stillborn clouds
enlightens a stubbornly black skyooioooooooooand
night poursoooooooooooooooooooooooioooooodown
in thin,ooiioambitious streams of light
lubricating the soil
like erotic spring rains

this was our first time making love
ignoring
the black moon
illuminating our sweat-soaked bodies
and dampening our tongues with sex as we explore them

finally

we’ve earned this chance to shape constellations
tracing stars on our naked backs

we’ve earned this moonshine
a rewarding blue glow
glazing our newly virgined flesh

we’ve earned this song
our song
melodic mirrors
dancing on new legs

we’ve earned this
light
our wings
and chance at flight

we’ve earned this

our last chance
to join these stars
and never again love a dead sky

valencia
this night
cries
smiles
newborn
dies

static
stars
melt
new
horizons

and
old
fears
tears
pain
vanish
new
vapors
hover
over
coastlines

music
sings
in
dance
not
mirrors

morning
rises
stars
die
on
contact
night’s
dimming
glow
retreats

and
love
can
live
now
as
it
should